i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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