he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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