this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
