U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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