ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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