we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
