her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
