I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
