Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
