Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
