i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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