she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
