WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
