Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
