never play flip cup with pint glasses
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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