Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
