If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
