GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
