the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
