I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
