So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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