I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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