Please, let me fuck your mom
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
