So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
