sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
