Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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