im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
