I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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