i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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