I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Randomize
