would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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