Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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