When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
