talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
i've created a new STD.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
