do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
