She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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