People in love make me want to vomit
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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