I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
