Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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