Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
