Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
