I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
do herpes really smell.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
