So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
