for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
