I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
