If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
