I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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