Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Randomize
