Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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