Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
