youre lurking in front of me
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You did what with his pubic hair?
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